Optimistic Child: Difference between revisions
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* Pervasiveness: bad events are global (pessimistic) vs bad events are specific (optimistic). Example: "Nobody likes me" vs "Kate doesn't like me" | * Pervasiveness: bad events are global (pessimistic) vs bad events are specific (optimistic). Example: "Nobody likes me" vs "Kate doesn't like me" | ||
* Personal: I am responsible for bad events (pessimistic) vs someone else is responsible (optimistic). Important to be honest about this one! Important to keep self-blame temporary and specific (optimistic) rather than permanent and global (pessimistic). Example: "I failed the test because I'm stupid" vs "I failed the test because I didn't study" | * Personal: I am responsible for bad events (pessimistic) vs someone else is responsible (optimistic). Important to be honest about this one! Important to keep self-blame temporary and specific (optimistic) rather than permanent and global (pessimistic). Example: "I failed the test because I'm stupid" vs "I failed the test because I didn't study" | ||
== The Right Way to Criticize Your Child == | |||
* Be accurate | |||
* Criticize with an optimistic explanatory style: be clear that you expect your child's failings to be temporary and specific rather than permanent and global. | |||
=== Examples === | |||
* "You are teasing your sister too much" instead of "You are a bad boy" | |||
* "You have to work harder on watching the ball" instead of "You're not athletic" | |||
* "You shouldn't have eaten all the candy" instead of "You are so selfish!" | |||
Revision as of 20:00, 7 August 2014
The Optimistic Child, by Martin Seligman
Meaningful self-esteem must be based on experiences of success.
Depression was uncommon in the 60's, typically reported only by middle-aged women. Depression rates in the US have skyrocketed since then. Seligman attributes this in part to a change in our culture that emphasizes individual satisfaction over loyalty to a larger group.
Strong emotions, such as anxiety, depression, and anger, exist for a purpose: they galvanize you into action to change yourself or your world, and by doing so to terminate the negative emotion. These emotions have a long evolutionary history:
- Anxiety warns you of danger.
- Sadness informs you that a loss threatens.
- Anger alerts you that someone is trespassing on your domain.
When these negative emotions become chronic and unresolved, depression results.
Explanatory Style
Optimism is based on how you think about the causes of negative emotions
- Permanence: bad events are permanent (pessimistic) vs bad events are temporary (optimistic). Example: "My brother is always mean" vs "My brother is in a bad mood today"
- Pervasiveness: bad events are global (pessimistic) vs bad events are specific (optimistic). Example: "Nobody likes me" vs "Kate doesn't like me"
- Personal: I am responsible for bad events (pessimistic) vs someone else is responsible (optimistic). Important to be honest about this one! Important to keep self-blame temporary and specific (optimistic) rather than permanent and global (pessimistic). Example: "I failed the test because I'm stupid" vs "I failed the test because I didn't study"
The Right Way to Criticize Your Child
- Be accurate
- Criticize with an optimistic explanatory style: be clear that you expect your child's failings to be temporary and specific rather than permanent and global.
Examples
- "You are teasing your sister too much" instead of "You are a bad boy"
- "You have to work harder on watching the ball" instead of "You're not athletic"
- "You shouldn't have eaten all the candy" instead of "You are so selfish!"